So, between yesterday and today, my sister has sent me two different emails with Jokes. Some of them are cute and funny, and some of them make me guffaw and stare at the screen in horror. Here's my favorite one:



A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.
"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.
"No, I don't," she replied.
"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."
She didn't crack a smile. "Oh, well," he thought. "I tried." But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"I was just envisioning how condoms are made!"



Cue suitable horror face and start laughing, and you have approximately my reaction.

THIS IS FROM MY SISTER?????

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!

What is the world coming to? 8-S

I hate fasting days. Especially depressing ones... although there aren't many that aren't...  Sundown needs to come soon, or I'll eat my desk...

THREE STARS IN THE SKY!! WHERE ARE YOU!?!?!

A funny…

 

 
 5 reasons to live in BC
 
 
 1. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges. You do  
 the math.
 
 2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from
  downtown.
 
 3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
 
4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going
 on.
 
 5. Weed.
 
 
 
 TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA
 
 
 1. Big rock between you and B.C.
 
 2. Ottawa who?
 
 3. Tax is 5% instead of the approximately 200% it is for
 the rest of the country.
 
 4. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can
 think of.
 
 5. You live in the only province that could actually
 afford to be its own country.
 
 6. The Americans below you are all in anti-government
 militia groups.
 
 
 
 TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN
 
 
 
 1. You never run out of wheat.
 
 2. Your province is really easy to draw.
 
 3. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.
 
 4. People will assume you live on a farm.
 
 
 
 
 
 TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA
 
 
 
 1. You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly have
 a beachfront property.
 
 2 . Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.
 
 3. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.
 
 4. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on
 your mood.
 
 5. You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float
 by.
 
 
 
 TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO
 
 
 
 1. You live in the centre of the universe.
 
 2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.
 
 3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal
 election.
 
 4. The only province with hard-core American -style crime.
 
 
 
 TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC
 
 
 
 1. Racism is socially acceptable.
 
 2. You can take bets with your friends on which English
 neighbour will move out next.
 
 3. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada.
 
 4. You can blame all your problems on the 'Anglo *#!%!'
 
 
 
 TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK
 
 
 
 1. One way or another, the government gets 98% of your
 income.
 
 2. You're poor, but not as poo r as the Newfies.
 
 3. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick .
 
 4. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse.
 
 
 
 TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA
 
 
 
 1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't, think
 they can.
 
 2. You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an excuse
 to get drunk and wear a kilt.
 
 3. You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money.
 
 
 
 TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
 
 
 
 1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you
 still got the big, new bridge.
 
 2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.
 
 3. You can drive across the province in two minutes.
 
 4. Everyone has been an extra on 'Road to Avonlea.'
 
 5. This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from.
 
 6. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on
 and off at night.
 
 
 
 TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND
 
 
 
 1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea.
 
 2. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.
 
 3. The workday is about two hours long.
 
 4. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to  your wedding.
 
 
 
 Pass this along to Canadians who need a laugh and
  foreigners who can learn something about Canada and then laugh.

Let's face it, we're a rare breed.

So I had my stage combat class today.  oh god! I'm so sore, but so happy!!  It was so much fun!!!  So we started out with the cutlass.  For those of you that don't know, it's the traditional pirate sword; you know, sort of like this.  So we learned how to hold it and how to hold our bodies, before moving on to attacks.  'twas sooo much fun, but my muscles burned soooo much... We learned a set of attacks that are the basis for almost every other combination of moves that one might ever have to perform.  So, yell it with me now!... (ok, so you don't)... Belly! Thigh! Shoulder! Chest! Head! Groin! Head!  So your probably wondering why head is repeated twice, yeah? OK, so it mainly matters when it comes to the defenses, aka, parries.  To try to explain the combination of moves would take more description than I have energy for right now (how am I even writing this again?) so I'll just say the the first head attack you hold your sword one way, but for the second one, it becomes a much fancier move that looks pretty and isn't that hard to execute once you know (or remember in my case) which way to tip your sword.  Now, put this combo together with your partner! heh...heh... its harder when your not looking at a mirror to make sure everything is ok... heh... so yes.  Oh!  before you can even THINK about attacking your partner, you must master "the force"... or an invisible shield... anyways, you have to learn how to stop your attacks from hurting the other person. So yes, we did all of this and started to spar.  Twas fun, I apparently have strong hits (coughwaterpolocough) so they had to teach me this special grip to make my hits less forceful (hee hee, I made one of the instructor's knees buckle after about 10 mins of hits).  So by the end of this sparing session, my arms hurt, my feet hurt, and my ears are ringing (ching! ching! ow!)  We take a water break.  Holy guac! I didn't realize how much I hurt until I sat down.  gods! I didn't think I was going to be able to stand up again! But I did, only to move on to Broadsword.  HOLY SHIT ARE THOSE THINGS HEAVY!!  3.5 lbs my ass!! fucking hell.  not only could I not lift the thing after about 20 mins, they had my do it one handed first! ONE HANDED!  but yeah, eventually when we got into drilling (handling's a little different but the same thing really) my teacher took pity on me and switched our steel swords for Aluminum.  still heavy, but not nearly as bad.  The disadvantage? it clangs SO LOUD! it rang right through my bones and reverberated off the walls.  Repeat that for another oh, HOUR, and you've got what condition my ears were in at the end of the sparing session... PB&J plzthnks break... now we move on to quarterstaff, which after today is my personal weapon of choice ^_^_^_^ twas so much fun.  THWAK! THWAK!  hee hee ^_^ it's too handed, which really balanced me out, and the foot work is much different.  All the spins and such you have to do for the altered 7-10 moves remind me of kayaking, so it was all pretty easy, and I ended up kicking my partner's butt in about 5 minuets ^_~ The teacher even asked me if I had done it before, to which the answer at that point was an exausted yet extactic "no"... was pat on the head before me moved on essensially.  So yeah, now MOVE!  yes... we did all of this prior work with only two steps taken the whole time essensially... so now we got to move across the studio... was fun, but apparently I have backward issues... (well sorry if I'm a bit nervous about the person who is also backing into me...)  My teacher also kept telling me "breathe! you can't do all this without breathing!!" ^_^" ... is it a good thing that I felt slight satisfaction having my teacher backed up against the wall? hee...<< >> << ^_^"  That was pretty much all of it, I must say.  I got an invitation to return to the academy, which I sadly must decline for the moment because of school returning, but if I come back in may, I will DEF return to classes for the summer... but that's next summer...

Sore-fuly yours,
Silent Serpent

so yeah... I've decided to get an LJ account that I'll actually add people too and update, because I thought it would be a nice way of finally getting in touch... so yeah! here it is! ^_^...I'll write something later when I actually have something to write ^_^"""